Wednesday, June 19, 2013

The Struggle

From start to finish it took me about 5 months to receive my mission call. I was 20 years old when the announcement was made that young women could now serve at the age of 19. The only thing that went through my mind was that I had to make a choice now. Before, I could use the excuse of my age to not think about a mission. I had no excuse anymore. I had the hardest time trying to decide whether or not I should serve a mission. My whole life I had numerous people tell me that I HAD to serve a mission, and that really bothered me. I didn't like the idea of being forced to serve a mission, but secretly I was always considering it. I wanted to make sure that if I were going to serve it was because I wanted to, not because I was forced to serve or it was expected of me to serve.
What I decided to do was to ask myself why I wanted to serve a mission. The answer that kept coming to mind was because I loved my Heavenly Father, and I wanted to do whatever He told me to do. I did not care if it was going to be hard, because all I cared about was pleasing my Father in Heaven.
From that moment on I decided to begin my mission papers, and not stop unless my Heavenly Father told me so. Don't get me wrong it was a super tough decision to make. There were times when I would break down and wonder can I really do this. Does Heavenly Father really want me to be one of His many missionaries? The one thing that kept me going was the fact that I had already gotten an answer, and I needed to follow through with it. I have learned that Heavenly Father always answers our prayers and the only thing that changes is our willingness to obey. And I had an answer and I knew what I needed to do. The prophet Joseph Smith Jr. said it best when he described the answer he got in the Sacred Grove. He said, "for I had seen a vision; I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it". That is what kept me going in my decision to serve a mission. I knew that Heavenly Father had given me an answer, and He wanted me to serve a mission. I could not deny the answer that He had given me. I know that Heavenly Father has called me to become one of His servants. I cannot deny the happiness I feel when sharing my testimony with others. I know that this is what I am meant to do. I know that there will be moments when I will not feel qualified to serve my mission, but I know that I can find confidence in the answer I received.

Strangely Dim by Francesca Battistelli

I've had all these plans piled up sky high
A thousand dreams on hold
And I don't know why,
I got a front row seat
To the longest wait
And I just can't see
Past the things I pray
Today

But when I fix my eyes on all that You are
Then every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
All my worries fade
And fall to the ground
Cause when I seek Your face
And don't look around
Any place I'm in
Grows strangely dim

Sometimes where I stand
On this narrow road
Is in a raging storm
Or a valley low
But oh

When I fix my eyes on all that You are
Then every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
All my worries fade
And fall to the ground
Cause when I seek Your face
And don't look around
Any place I'm in
Grows strangely dim

I don't know, I don't know
What tomorrow may hold
But I know, but I know
That You're holding it all
So no matter what may come

I'm gonna fix my eyes on all that You are
'Til every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
Let all my worries fade
And fall to the ground
I'm gonna seek Your face
And not look around
Til the place I'm in
Grows strangely, strangely, strangely dim.


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